A Woman Alone

I've had another dream. I feel like my dreams expose a very private part of me that I have no control over. I'm not sure what the dream is telling you about me. In the diary, I choose what to tell and what not to tell, but the dream speaks in code and tells everything. At least that's how it feels. And I hate being vulnerable.

And with all that said, here it is: Parachutes.

A Woman Alone
Saturday, Feb. 14, 2004
12:27 p.m.

New Orleans

Well, I went to New Orleans today to see the new doctor. It rained all the way there and half way back. Over 100 miles each way.

What's not good is that I felt a lot more depressed after talking to him than I have in a while. I don't exactly know why, but it's not a good thing. *sigh*

After leaving his office, I took some photos, which put me in a better mood. Here's an old house that caught my eye.

Have you ever thought about how you want to die? Or how you don't want to die? The lakes and rivers are very high right now because of all the rain. Driving on the freeway, I thought "I would really hate for the car to go off into that water." Even tho I've heard drowning is one of the better ways to go, I don't want to. Sounds scary to me.

Something fast and unforseen would be good. Even heart attack and other illnesses don't bother me. I guess we all want to die in our sleep, huh?

A Woman Alone
Wednesday, Feb. 11, 2004
7:48 p.m.

Scrollbars and Tagboards

Frustrating day today and feeling like I didn't accomplish anything. I was looking for a tagboard for another site I have and there just aren't many good ones out there, and HOW do you find them?? I finally came across one that looks good, but after hours, I still can't figure out how to do a couple of things with it that I want to do.

I did finally sleep last night with taking that benedryl, and being up for three days.

Here's the link for that nifty scrollbar maker- http://home.hccnet.nl/s.j.francke/software/software.htm. It's the first one, Scrollbar. I also use CPick, a nifty color picker this person has made. It's further down on the page.

Scrollbar maker doesn't only let you make your own scrollbar, showing you the exact place each color will go, as you enter them, it also lets you get colors directly off any place on your screen (like your web page), and will automatically create the colors for a scrollbar for any color you enter, if you want it to. There are also flat and really flat options.

Yes, I get excited over good freeware. I try to spread the word.

A Woman Alone
Wednesday, Feb. 11, 2004
12:23 a.m.

Template Changes

A few changes in the template, a little color. I like the left side in a box, it's neater. And I found a nifty program to make scroll bar colors. It's nifty because it shows you exactly what area you are coloring what color.

What do you think? I could always make the green a shade of gray instead.

No, I didn't sleep today. Now's the time that even tho I haven't slept more than a couple of hours in three days, I'll be waking up and not want to go to bed.

In my half asleep state I managed to totally fuck up my comments page, didn't save the original (although I sure thought I did) and can't figure out how to fix it.

I cooked some chicken, but can't eat it. I've been having a hard time eating meat for several weeks now. I've eaten some chicken, but can't seem to do it tonight. I keep throwing away food, and I HATE to waste anything! I won't throw it today. If I can't eat it within a few days, I'll throw it.

A Woman Alone
Monday, Feb. 09, 2004
8:28 p.m.